laid to rest

rest in peace daddy

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more soul | the soul of l.a.

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savior

it's been 10 years since (my favorite band)  the red hot chili peppers released californication. dope ass album! here they are performing one of my fav joints. john frusciante's solo, amazing. enjoy

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sensible words | uhuru

"freedom is free of the need to be free."

-funkadelic Read more!

ugly on a beautiful day

play the song, read the poem




coming down from yesterday's high of red and green
feeling the weight of five slices
rolling from the warm of my bed
pleasant dreams
so few
let myself be free as air is
step into it
my feet bare on warm floors
watch their shade change
i shuffle
scratch at the ash
watch it grow thicker-grayer
catch a whiff of yesterday's scent
(that was some good weed)
caught in a lovely breeze
the sun shining through the trees
on me
i put on my shades
casting blue on already blue skies
hiding my red eyes
things aren't so rosy
but it is a beautiful day
i ignore myself to appreciate the glory
weep cause i can't feel it. Read more!

[he]aling

and it don't stop
my world rocked
but time keeps going
keeps ticking
i clock hours
when i should be home on my knees
but i can't pray
can't cry
exist i
a body and a voice
no feeling
with nothing to say
rub my shoulders into cushions
my house is empty
and my hands are full
the only thing big enough to carry this weight
i dole out in pieces
myself all over it
scotch guarded in my restlessness
i could tip over
[it]i could break
[down]i could hide
[forever] i could run
could loose my breath
til my heads light
and the weights gone
but i catch it every time
and i'm back numb
and heavier than ever
drag myself back to reality (home)
see what time it is
what time i let pass
see if my healing is home
waiting for me
the streetlights are on
and i hear my name
i round that corner
then another
and another
my healing ain't there
he must be somewhere playing with time
i keep missing him
maybe i'll wait up for him
he might show up
in the morning. Read more!

sometimes you just have to rock out

enjoy Read more!

all the rage | so far gone

so last night i was introduced (figuratively) to Drake... i know i'm late but where has he been?

if you ain't got it, i found it here.

here's one of my fav tracks from the mixtape

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a story of sorts: short

 

this is a short excerpt from a short story i wrote, based on a memory... or two

We sit in the corner of my bed and I tell her of the light boy with the eyes the color of his skin,

light. I blush as she buries her face unable to listen as I tell her how my hands sweat when we

play on the same team and my heart jumps up and down when we hi five. She laughs when I tell her about the boy with dark curls like Michael Jackson, the light brown one. She doesn't like him cause he lives around the corner and I often leave her to play with him. He is so cute and I know she will understand but she doesn't. She sits with Henry and they ignore me so I teach her to fly without showing her how to land and him too. Sometimes he breaks her fall, sometimes he doesn't. Before the loneliness and guilt become too much to bear, I pick her up (mommy likes a tidy room) and place her back on my bed. She is my favorite. 

We often sit on my chair and watch the sun dip behind the fences, try to mimic the colors the sky makes but they do not make crayons so beautiful. 

I read to her my favorite books, she is comfortable in my lap  and when the others come home we climb back to the top and hide in the corner, sometimes the closet. They are mean to me, the others, calling me names, taking my friends, hiding them. My books and dolls.

Shayla is sad for me when they say mean things, Henry too but he loves his arm too much to protest and she is meek like me, holds me when I cry. 

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journal entry: slow leak

i just want to sleep, Sleeping Beauty style. deep and long. and wake up to a wonderful new day. i don't need a prince [to be] there (ain't enough kisses in the world ) i just need the sunshine and a beautiful song. Read more!

project

so... i don't even know how to verbalize what i'm trying to do. i'm way too emotional at the moment to put it into words. so ....

 heavy

heavy Read more!

super | woman

i knew it would happen, i didn't know how, i didn't know when.

but in the back of my mind...i knew.

i knew that when it happened i would again put on my cape and protect everyone.

i knew when daddy gave me my cape i would have it forever.

i knew my cape was special when he made me go through so much to earn it.

i knew i would forever have a role that was irreplaceable.

i knew when it happened i would be sad, hurt, angry, confused, disappointed and alone.

what i didn't know was that the cape works on everyone else

but me.

- Toni Toney

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eternal

                Walter Anthony Lacy

                Tony | Abdu

                9.19.1950-4.17.2009 

this morning my father, this cool muthafucka right here, passed away. he is the reason i shoot. he is my inspiration, the planter of the seed whose fruits i share with you. i love him with all that i have and will miss him to no end. you will see more of this man, from this man, his art, his passion...through me.

live | love

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bye bye life | for daddy

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something i read somewhere

"she's perfectly thick, her thick can handle my thick." Read more!

thoughts on grief

good grief

they have shoulders
vast as seas
strong like currents
that take in the utterances
stuttering, empty wails
they have soft cotton to rest their heads
to bury their fears in to
firm hands that too are gentle
lovingly caressing away tears
holding up shoulders when they buckle

i keep my coat on
seams tight, rigid with stiffness like coat hangers
i sit up straight
a balled up hanky in my pocket soft
worn faithful
holding tight my utterances between threads
my hurt into palms
empty wails on def ears
sucks grieving alone Read more!

______ on my mind

the last time you kissed me
i peeked
opened my eyes just a bit
cause i wanted to see you
see if you were thinking about me
while your tongue tasted mine
see if you liked my taste
liked my biting
your lips fit comfortably between my teeth
i liked the vibrating
when you eased them free
you liked it too
cause you smiled a bit
without opening your eyes
i kissed your smile
demure and subtle
you kissed me back with intention-hard
i saw your concentration
the vigor
with which your lips moved
pressing
as if they might escape you
my lips
i pulled back a bit
not cause i couldn't take it
no-to draw you in
closer to me
to breathe for me
cause i hold mine
and as you came
i closed them
and succumbed
under the weight of you
your kiss
our intensity waning
i opened them again
and found you
peeking Read more!