on sex and love

"I think sex is important, and magical (if you're lucky), and intimate and precious and special. But I also think it's important to take it with a pinch of salt and a generous sense of humour. It just happens, and it just is. Like you said, there is nothing, nothing worse than being contrived, or obvious or awful with sex. I think sexy is synonymous with intelligence, and confidence and subtlety and a certain self-possessed knowingness that I'm nowhere near having but would really like to achieve. I can't have sex with men I don't love, or at least like very, very much. I can't have sex with men that scare me, and I definitely can't have sex with men I don't find intellectually challenging, interesting and in the possession of a delicate soul.

Delicate soul? I'm such a creep.

But like everything, do you think the most interesting, erotic parts are the little things? The obscure bits that make your stomach flip? The preambles, the dinners before, the cigarettes after. The breathless conversation about the best things you know and the 'would you like a glass of water?' and 'are you comfortable', the 'let me walk you to the bus stop in the rain in the morning', the 'oh my god I want to make this boy a mixtape and that hasn't happened in months', the 'you have to read this book', the 'did he just hold my hand while we're falling asleep/open the cab door and put his hand on the small of my back/tell me I look more beautiful than every other girl in the room/dance with me to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun', the emails, the intricacies and intimacies and the careful navigation. "

i wish i could own these thoughts.in a sense i do.though i've never been able to express them.not in this way.thank you natalie

love + love